Key of my heart

Yesterday.. i was totally worn out...
the night before yesterday...
i onli sleep bout an hour plus...
because i couldnt sleep thinkin bout our relationship...
thinkin bout her...
its a terrible night looking at ceiling that i dont recognise...
sleepin in a room that dont belong to my space...
crying suddenly moment after moment...
thinkin bout wat happen to me n her....
i asked myself... how many times i need to withstand this?...
i wonder why do problems occur on us...
and my standing in her heart will suddenly change...
even the way she treat me change...
i am sensitive...
but everyone could have realise it...
if their gf or bf treat them unusually different from always...
who cant felt it?

It was design tutorial yesterday...
suppose to bring an A2 plan to tutorial...
but i couldnt came out with anything....
just all shit of many many different ideas...
so many ideas run thru my brain...
each is so not mature and i cant grab hold of any...
having telling myself that...
i should try to be more open minded...
i should learn to put down my worries..
i should learn to calm myself down..
u r a guy...
u need to work..u need ur career...
wats more in future?
hew wai hong....
fine if u have a gal that you love so much...
but why cry thru problems and ignore other things....
no i tell myself.. no...
i need to be strong...
i will be strong...
no point crying over my gal and forget bout my career...
BOTH is not to be neglected...
i calm myself down...
and took hours to figure out my design..
showed the lecturer...
he was so happy... and whisper to me...
great... its a good plan...
but i dun feel anythin... i felt hurt..

went home early after finishin what i need to do...
calming myself down.. walking back to my hostel...
suddenly a bunch of gals came asking me where am i from..
i am from malaysia...i said..
they r askin bout scanning equipments...
i just answer and couldnt bother to stay long...

so much i wish to on skype to spend time with my gal...
but things didnt go the same way...
i calm myself to wait...
and finally.... we are able to talk....
when i saw u....
i felt warmth....
i miss u so much...
but my heart is worrying...afraid... heart broken....
i make myself strong...
so that i wont screw things up...

finally i ask her to tell me the truth...
she told me everythin...
but wats the point of me wanting to know the truth?...
i want to know the truth because i want you to be honest to me..
i dun want you to lie so much and lossen my trust on you...
....
..
but again... how important is it to know the truth?
its hurt thinkin bout this...
again i asked myself.... how many times do i need to withstand this again?
but...
i truely understand how is happiness to me..
from where i seek happiness.. warmth... smile... love... and everything...
you baby... you...
and this relationship of ours...
i know myself well enough....
no matter how many time it happen.... i will withstand it... i love you...
mayb until one day i couldnt hold myself to fight with it anymore....
then i think its time to leave...
is it true tat when someone's precious already left and out of the life....
only one will learn to appreciate and regret what they actually have?

its for myself...
its also for you...
and for our relationship...
i made up my mind to be strong...
and fight with it...
i want to be your dream guy...
your loving bf ..

but i hope...
you would care for my heart like u always do....
and ask yourself...
what do i actually need to do to not hurt someone i love and at the same time loving me so much?
nothing is easy...
i do many things the difficult way...
and they each...
make me happy for what i have today...
i know how difficult is this to you too..
i really understan... let me keep you safe then..
no matter how much things we need to go thru...
i promise you i will walk the path with you..
i will be there for you..

baby... you have the key to my heart...
keep my heart safe...
and i love you