angel...

Being here isn't what i am really happy about.

Besides studying... i don't see the rational of me being here...
My life and heart wasn't here with me...
Besides having the little will to study....
There is no heart in me that make me wanna be here....

My heart is way back with her... my precious gal... and my family.
I miss them... especially my gal.... so much....
I just miss her like crazy....

Things here isnt easy as said than done....
Honey... I am sorry bout failing at the attempts in trying to communicate with you..
I know i make each one sounds really important...
and take each of them so seriously...
i really spend time searching and testing them....just like how edison created the lightbulb..
i dunno how to give up in it....
i just dun want to give up trying....
u know i am trying to be strong here...... sometimes it just so difficult for me....
that i tears after searching hours thru day n night for just sumtin suitable....
for just one simple reason....
but yet important to me and you...
......
..
.....
to communicate and spend more time with you.

I know i have never leave you for so long before...
have never make you miss me so much...
and have never make you wait for me so long before...
I can understand how you have felt......
whenever you told me anythin bout how you waited and misses me....
i do understand... i do felt it....

mayb you didnt notice it....
its even more painful than getting myself hurt....
when i know you are hurting and in pain....
i cant stop thinkin bout it....and tears keep coming.

yesterday.... my classes was delayed.... scheduled to be mayb an hour delay....
but it ended up to be 2 hours delay....
i just wanted so much to leave bcos i know...
even my gal didnt say to wait for me....
i know she will definitely be there to wait for me...
she do misses me as much as i do for her...
just like how i text you in your morning.... i really miss you..
there and again... i wanted to leave so much....
but it just shock! me.... when my lecturer said...
dont think of sneaking away... i am really straight bout leavers and late comers...
so i just have to sit my way thru helplessly in the class and proposing ideas that ran into me..
i dunno if its god that help me..... its really lucky to think of a design idea just for a few seconds...
then i am out to do what i am hoping to do so much....
...
..
....
I am so sorry baby to keep you waiting for me....
hearing you talk bout the days and the waiting for me just then....
my heart is broken....
i am so heartbroken ...
i just wish so much to be at your side...
to hug you telling you....
'baby.... calm down... hubby is right here... dont be afraid...i will take care of you.'

i really understand how hurting the moment of waiting is...
and i wont let it ever happen again...never!
i need to get a possible way to communicate and contact you...
its all bout communication....
if we can text often.... you wouldnt have misses me that much..
if we can text often..you wouldnt have hold back all your msgs...
if we can text often.. you would have felt my care and love more easily..
if we can call often... we will realise how much we needed each other at times...
if we can call often.... things wouldnt be tat difficult...
if we can communicate well and easier....
we can really get our life connected...

BEE..... I AM REALLY SORRY TO KEEP YOU WAITING AND MADE YOU HURT SO MUCH.
I LOVE YOU

in reality.... there is really a big gap of time and distance between us..
physically its almost impossible for me to meet my gal...
i know....
this fact is an unchangeable reality...
but...
i try my best to see it the other way round...
the positive way round...
which is really hard... really hard....
i thought of myself back there after things here are done....
they will all be happiness... loving... and appreciation..
but i am also trying to make all this happen here...
physically its impossible... but mentally its possible...
knowing myself cant help to physically take care of my gal....
i really hope i can calm her when she is feeling tense and lost..
pamper her when she want someone to precious and give time to...
comfort her when she is in sad moments...
and give her hope and strength when she needed them...
I love you baby..

i really wanted to hold my gal all day and always whenever i wanted to...
want to take care and massage her when she is feeling tired...
want to make her hair when she asked me.... hows my hair?
sometimes... your hair is well good... but... i just wanna make it abit...
just to stare at you and feel you before you leave to college...
i miss you whenever you go to college and frankly its quite lonely waiting...
but the happy thing is.... i get to fetch you back and spend an hour seeing you in de ride..
its wonderful to hold you hand while driving....and having you sleepin beside me...
you look so sweet and wonderful...

but here again in UK...
i just couldnt do what my life is about....
but i keep telling myself....
i have to be strong....
i have to be really strong bcos i dont know wats coming infront of me...
and i need to deal with every single thing that happen properly...

communication is not easy... but it can be sorted out......
i know it wont be as much as what we had....
but it will fair enough to get us connected and communicate....
its not enough for me too.... but i know... i dun have to bear long with it....

Today.... i want to do what give me another hope in getting me connected to my gal...
ya.... its so sad for me too whenever i realise one fail....
it hurts in my heart... it hurts when i need to control myself to text you or call you..
i know its de same to you too....
bcos we are in love...
but today..... i want to give this hope another change..another try....
nothing is impossible to me if i dont give up....
god will help those who has a will and who has a heart...
i have!!

I LOVE YOU BEE... I WANT TO BE YOUR ANGEL