Naturally awake

It is 6am in UK now...
I finally put myself thru the night...
i know she will be awake at about 8am(kl) to go to coll...
last night... i didn't set the alarm...
i dun want myself to keep doin this and be stubborn...
but... i literally woke up at 8.30am(kl)...
i thought i finally is able to put myself thru... but why?
then again i am thinking how r u...
and wondering will you reply my sms tat i suddenly text you last nite...
i am so silly...
i put myself to sleep again...
and i literally woke up again after every hour...
1st was about 10.30...
then was about 11.40...
next was about 1.00...
and every moment...i still woke up missing you...
i did not cry.. i stop the tears..
i know i can do it... to put her in my heart.

The sms last nite...
i felt miserable sitting in the kitchen...
thinking bout you... and somehow.... worry.
will you be happy?.. you might...
but... will you also be happy if i keep texting you like tat...
i dunno... i need to control myself.
Debbie was sitting there alone in the kitchen with me...
She told me not to be sad because she felt tat i am a nice guy...
i told her being a nice guy is not possibly good...
now i learn that... sometimes we need to be selfish for ourselves...

She asked me how did we started...
I told her that you are from the same high sch as me...
2 of us being among the famous in sch...
but among the few years...
i changed alot...
having myself dedicated to my studies and relationship...
you also changed alot...
you grew prettier... more understandin...
more caring... more confident... and...
your temper got much better...

I told her briefly about our First Date without going into the details...
and i felt happy... talking bout our relationship...
Debbie then told me..
she can see i am serious about this relationship...
I told her... i am serious in everything i want to do with heart...
maybe i am being too serious...
and that now i know being in love should be relax...
then... it wont also hurt so much during separation...

She then told me about her previous relationship...
and how her bf was so in love and serious...
that debbie use de phrase 'he put me on his pedestal.'
she said... all her family and frens love him but.. debbie dont.
and she try to love him... in the end avoiding him here and there...
she then became serious about the relationship...
and when they broke up to go to different places to study...
she cried tremendously over the relationship...

Hearing this and relating to what i am experiencing...
I realise more that being serious in a relationship should onli happen to an acceptable degree...
being happy and relax is important...
am my seriousness pressuring you when we r in love?
I know how to handle my relationship better now when i am in love again...

Then i told Debbie...
its different... bcos all the moment I am together with my gf...
We are truely in love with each other...
since the 1st day until when we broke up...
And i didn't put her on my pedestal...
I put her in my heart...

I want to pick up basketball again...
Really love playing basketball...
It keeps me concentrated on scoring and playing...
The feeling of scoring makes me feel proud of myself...
and it can help me get back into shape again...
I don't look good now...
but i will be soon.. i know.
I remember back in high sch...
many ppl came to watch me play b.balls...
telling me.. waihong.. lei hou ying ah.
i wonder will this happen again?

I nvr heard any compliments about myself...
especially my outlook..cos i knew how am i now...
until last nite Debbie told me..
You look handsome...

I will get myself into shape again.
I want to live for myself.